(yeah-huh!)

Got your stoner`s kit?

(stoner`s....what?)

Stoner`s kit!  It`s something I made up.  It`s accesories you should`nt be without.  First, rolling paper.  2.5 or 1.5, experiment with size and see which one you can roll best with.  I usually do best with 1 1/4 Job French Style.  Clear eyes, it removes redness and has an ingredient to moisturize...wow.  Breathmints/gum, to hide that Stoner breath.  A lighter, it sucks bumming from other people, put a sticker on it so you can tell it apart from other lighters, and to help reclaim it from a DIRTY NO GOOD THIEF!  A small bowl/pipe.  Make it hand held, and always keep it handy wherever you go.  It`s great to just toss in your roachs when they become too small to handle.  I use a bowl disguised as a highlighter.  They also have them disguised as lighters and lipsticks too.  To complete the kit, good ol` marijuana!

(marij...wha??)

Yanno........weed!

(ohhh, how do I get it?)

You`ll be needing a dealer.  Make sure this person is trustworthy.  Because this is the person you will be giving all that hard earned money too.  Never have one too many dealers, because then everyone will be looking to make a quick buck off you.  Besides your main dealer, have a couple more on the side, incase the other is gone. 

(how do I know they won`t rip me off?)

Easy.  Always have them measure it out in front of you.  Never accept "next day" delivery. 

(how do I know if its the real shit?)

Smell it.  Good maryjane has a nice minty/piney smell to it.  It is also covered in red hairs, a good indication of the shit!

(how much money will all this cost me?)

Depending on the person you buy it from.  Where I live (Bluff City, TN) you buy in nickels.  Half a nick cost about 20-25 dollars, anything more is a rip off.  A whole nick can cost anywhere from 30-50 dollars.  And an ounce is somewhere between 50-100 dollars.  There is some places you can buy dime bags or (baggies) for like, 10 dollars.  Its probably enough to get one, maybe to...semi-stoned.  Here, we don`t have dime bags, so we just buy what is called a J`s worth.  In other words, a joint`s worth.  It cost about 5 dollars. 

(whats the deal on this legal bud?  its cheaper than illegal, but is it better?)

Let`s just say, you`d be better off trying to get a buzz by smoking what is in your mom`s spice rack.  All it is, is herbal SUBSTITUTE...and nothing more.  Its tricky though, it can look, maybe even smell like the real thing.  Just look for the signs I told you about earlier and you should be ok.

(so I have my bud....now what?)

Smoke it up homie!  Roll a jay, hit the pipe or bong!

(how can I make sure the bowl I am getting is good or not?)

Test the depth by putting your index finger in the hole.  If it comes about to the first finger crease, or a few inches off, your ok.  Try and purchase something that will not get hot as fast.  Steer clear from all metal bowls, if possiable.

(ewww, I just took a hit out of my new bowl and all this icky stuff is in my mouth!)

DUMBASS!  buy a screen!  They are small circular sheets of metal to place in your bowl's smokeing hole.  This keeps ash and stuff from going into your mouth.  Usually you have to buy the screen seperatly, but they are cheap.  Remember, brass for small bowls, and steel for larger ones.  Steel screens are a bitch trying to shove into a small bowl.

(i`m so fucking STONED now man, what can I do to keep the buzz?)

Just steer clear from eating hardcore, that can kill your buzz faster.  Besides that, let nature take its course!